so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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