You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
