he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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