I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he told me I talked like a deaf person
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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