Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
