even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
