Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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