oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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