U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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