apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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