So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
