is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize