I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
