No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
