i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
