sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
40s are totally the cure
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize