At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
