have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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