mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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