I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
foreskin is a definite game changer
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize