Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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