the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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