yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
