It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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