Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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