She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize