He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
