so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
