I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
