Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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