I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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