and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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