Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
