did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
