I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
