I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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