I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
