dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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