i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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