I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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