What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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