haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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