you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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