Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
MIDGETS
????
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
