Swine flu. Run for my life!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
