Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
being pregnant is like rehab
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
