I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize