Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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