So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
