I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
