Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
