your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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