is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
