He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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