Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize