rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
