yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she told me i tasted like america
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
