I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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