so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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