I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize