I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
