can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
