I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
