I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
