have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize