if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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