I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
