it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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