Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
