Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Fuck appropriateness.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
