I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
