I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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