Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
