Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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