i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
