OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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