Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize