can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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