new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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