Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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