friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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