your parents love me but you hate me
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
