He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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